You may be a soccer coach if...

You kiss your spouse good night and say, 'Well done or good work.'

Your kids break a lamp and they have to dribble around the house 50 times.

You take a soccer ball to the restaurant so you and your daughter can practice juggling in the parking lot until your table is ready.

You walk through the grocery store and some kid in every part of the store says "hey coach!"

You try to put your groceries in the trunk and it is filled with your soccer gear.

All non work clothing has three stripes or an Umbro brand name.

Dog's name is Toe-Ball or Nutmeg.

When someone asks your kid's ages, you respond U16 and U12.

Main factor in buying a car is whether or not the portable goal will fit.

Local soccer retail store gives you a team discount for all personal purchases.

You recognize ex-players by the way they run.

You talk the game with your wife, who is ignoring you like you weren't there. Good part is you don't even care.

You love to watch games featuring your former players, and tell complete strangers you taught him how to make that perfect cross that player just executed.

Your will states your ashes should be spread over your home field.

When you go on a family vacation and you still have soccer equipment in the trunk.

You carry an extra whistle in your suit when you go to work, just in case.

You ask the hotel reservation clerk about grassy areas in the vicinity of the hotel, before you ask about an indoor pool or the proximity to tourist attractions.

You write lineups and formations on napkins in restaurants.

You wake up in the middle of the night and scribble notes about a 3v1 possession drill that ends in a left-footed shot on goal. (First, no keeper, then a keeper.)

You get a flat tire and then remember you took out the spare to make room for the bag of pennies and practice nets.

You have more pictures of your soccer teams on your walls than you do of your family.

All kids within a radius of 4 miles know that you are the only one who owns a Mikasa air pump.

You address the preacher as "ref".

You get withdrawal symptoms when the season ends.

You lose sleep worrying about whether the lineup for tomorrow's game is fair to every kid.

You spend the last hour of work planning today's practice session.

You wonder just what your friend meant when he asked whether you had considered getting a life.

You crosscut/circular mow your grass to duplicate your favorite soccer stadium

You toss cones on your lawn so you can mow it by grids.

You use a 'shielding technique' at the wal-mart in the sales aisle.

You hand out scrimmage vests at your backyard barbecue, saying 'the Yellows are the Johnsons, the reds are the Smiths...'

...or if you've ever said any of the following...

I've got nothing against other sports...in their proper role as cross-training.

I really think 5 is a little young for Heather to be considered a "natural striker", Mrs. Walsh.

Yeah, but Nomar Garciaparra's BEST sport was...

No, Mr. MacDonald, putting more air into it will not make it a #4 ball.

Yes, Derek, it really went a long way; but remember how we did the kickoff in practice?